Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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