i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
