She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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