She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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