Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
