There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The air was thick with penises
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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