I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
