@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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