I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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