would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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