I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
