The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
