literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
