Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
