I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
