Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
