Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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