Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
