I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
