no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
