I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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