I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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