And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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