just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize