I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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