yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this is an emotional support booty call
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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