Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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