Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
soo... how was my night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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