Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
