You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
