Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize