dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
