He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
