Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
