If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
