I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
