smell my finger.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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