Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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