Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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