We named our party play list daddy issues
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
