First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
