The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
