dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
