There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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