i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
