i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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