while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
