Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
