mondays should just be called national damage control day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
