I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
