is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
