It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
