yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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