with your own penis?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
