I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
