I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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