Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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