mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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