too bad you live with your parents still
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
