Having a random hookup so left but love u
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
