He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
