guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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