Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
