How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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