we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize