You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
