No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
