do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize