lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize