My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
