So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
